Top Killer For Authenticity

Topics:

Diving into what shame is, how it manifests itself (The Stems) in our reality (examples provided), how it affects our self-worth, how we can heal this part of ourselves, and healing reminders along the way of the writing piece.

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Shame is that discomfort we feel within us that makes us stop living out and doing things we love because narratives like "what if people think I'm weird", "my parents won't approve of that", "my friends won't accept me", or "who would love and accept me if I did X, Y or Z", that run through our mind derailing our plans and desires to live and create a life that is fulfilling; and a reflection of our passion, desires and contentment.

Many times the root cause of the shame we feel is unconscious, meaning there is a seed we've planted throughout our life (majority of the time in our childhood/upbringing) that made us believe being ourselves or doing a particular thing would get those around us to not meet our needs or expectations (ie. to be loved, accepted, included, seen, respected etc.). This particular seed still affects and influences our day to day lives it's just we aren't consciously aware of its impact.

Here is the catch; there was a point in our history that our reality was being shamed and judged for whatever reasons. These particular experiences wired our nervous system in a way that each time we are faced with a similar situation, for example having to express our truths, those wiring will be trigged. This is where we'll have narratives such as those listed above will run through our mind, creating a completely different action to what we initially/intuitively desired or planned.

Another example: We were shamed and judged for expressing our love for astrology and those around us told us that it was “fake”. That those predictions don't won't come true and people who participate in that type of industry are “scammers”. Now as an adult we’re trying to dive into that part of ourselves although there is a conflict going on within us. Where a part feels like we’re a fraud or our friends and family won’t accept us, and another part is filling up with life and passion because it's what our soul is calling us to do.

This is what shame does. It stops us from living out our authenticity because we've created attached to our worth with our external world. Where we created beliefs that our worth and sense of value is determined by what is occurring in our external world and the people we’ve put on a pedestal say.

For example, when we've attached our sense of value to our productivity that we push ourselves towards burnout just so feel less guilty for resting. We go on a cycle where we shame ourselves when our body is clearly calling out for rest. This cycle of shame manifests in many ways like when we try to achieve certain things because we have attached this idea, that we will receive a particular need for example to feel happy about ourselves. When in reality we don't need that particular achievement to be happy because happiness shouldn't be our end goal to achieve things. We should be happy in moving forward in achieving our goals and using that particular energy to push through the challenges and lemons life gives us along the way.

This doesn't mean we should bypass our other emotions F*CK NO! This means that we shouldn't put in our goals 'to be happy'. Happiness is an emotion, which we feel so many in just one day and they are not permanent. It's unrealistic to expect ourselves to be happy all the time because that stops us from expressing and embodying our true authentic emotions.

Happiness should be our fuel to go after what we desire because we have the right and deserve to be happy and welcome in that sensation with ease, rather than making it our reward. We have the right to be happy and worthy now!

Worth & Shame

The definition of our value, worth, sense of self and emotions are not attached to anything or anyone, it's something we define within ourselves. What someone else finds valuable, might not be valuable to us. That's because we all have different sets of values, morals, ethics, perceptions, truths, and desires, not everyone will have the same. It's important to remind ourselves that; because many times people project their shame and judgements that lives and plays within their inner worlds to their outer world.

The majority of the time that's the reason how we got those seeds of shame in the first because someone in our external (someone we probably looked up to) unconsciously projected their internalized shame and judgement to us. Not knowing/having the knowledge and awareness at the times we created this blueprint that shamed and abandoned parts of ourselves in order to receive a need (example: to be loved, accepted, valued, included).

Shame stops us from living and expressing our bare and raw truths. Where we learnt to dim our light down, quieten our voice, turn down our sensitivity, just for others comfort. Because of those experiences, where we adapted shame, we’ve created fears and limitations that keep us in cycles of self-abandonment. It also stops us from living and creating a life we desire.

The Stem & Healing

Those narratives and thoughts we are aware of are the stems from the seed of internalized shame within our subconscious mind. There is a purpose on why we have suppressed that seed. It’s just the sheer fact that it brings forth discomfort when re-visiting the reasons why they’re there in the first place. Having to see it from a higher perspective and the lenses as our adult version, how we were treated as children, is daunting and uncomfortable. It brings up heavy emotions and memories, that we suppressed for good reasons, such as survival and keeping us safe and sane.

Providing compassion, love, empathy and pure forgiveness is what mend those parts of ourselves. Obviously, healing comes in layers. We don't generally forgive ourselves and those who have (intentionally or unconsciously) hurt us just like that. It takes time and process for our subconscious mind to catch up to the rewiring within our conscious mind. Rewiring our inner systems from the nervous system, mindset, behavioural patterning is not overnight work.

The way we heal the internalized shame we have is by determining what stems are coming out of those particular roots. What aspects of ourselves from the activities, habits, traits, mindset patterns, past experiences are we judging and shaming. Many times unpacking the stems allows us to get to the root cause of why it's there in the first place.

By acknowledging those stems we are bringing our awareness to it, which then puts us in a position to unpack them. You can download my free e-book "Alchiments Your Fear" which allows you to go through a step by step process of unpacking your stems. Alter the process for shame instead of fear.

a set of journal prompts you can use when unpacking shame within yourself:

Pick a specific part of yourself you’re ashamed of although would love to live out in your reality:

• Observe the emotions, thoughts, beliefs/narratives that come up for you surrounding this shame.

• Then reflect back to the times where this has come up for you. Dive into details of these reflections. Observe the emotions, narratives, that are coming up. Is there a pattern?

• Do have a recollection of when you had this pattern or particular fragment come up for the first time? If so when?

• Has it popped up in other areas (career, love, friendship, family, business) of your life, although a different texture but same root?
  

A gentle reminder that this process comes in layers. There be no set deadline where we will be 'fully healed', although a time where our triggers won't flare up anymore because we've worked actively and consistently to re-wire them from shame to self-acceptance. This just takes time and effort in creating, allowing time to teach us patience is also part of this process.

It's important not to rush our journey and progress. As much as we want to jump and leap towards the next cycle, believe it or not, each cycle we are on provides and equips us with the experiences and knowledge we need for the next cycles of our journey. Allow those discomfort and heavy emotions that we've stored and suppressed for so long, to be expressed and released allowing us to make room for new energies to welcome and embody.

Be patient, graceful and kind with ourselves as we unlearn and simultaneously learn new ways of living a life in alignment to who we are truly underneath the limitations, fears, propagandas, programmings and conditionings that made us believe we weren't worthy and valuable in the first place.

For anyone who is interested in working with me. I am launching a 1 on 1 coaching program in 2022 'The Shadow Blueprint’. Where I'll be assisting you in diving and unpacking the root causes of the challenges you are facing around your relationship with yourself. Click the link by signing up to our waitlist to have early access, discounts and bonuses for the program!

Sign up to our waitlist for The Shadow Blueprint Coaching Program here.

Much Love, Merichel

Be Kinder, Less Critical.

The Journey

Channelled messages about this journey called life. Mention of grief, healing and wisdom I’ve found along my journey.

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Without the journey, there is no destination. The journey is the path that leads us to our destination ie. our future. When we think about it the reason we end up where we are is because of the decisions and actions we take during the present moment ie. our journey. 

Whether we like it or not we control our life, our emotions, our perception, our beliefs, the actions we take, the decisions we make; we control our life. No one else does and there is beauty in that. The weight we feel is the responsibility of knowing we make the decisions and create a life we want for ourselves. I am not saying it’ll have no challenges, but following our hearts desires is something that leads us to the path of our most wholeness and highest. 

At times we don’t trust our hearts because of past experiences. Experiences that made us doubt the decisions we made when following our heart, although those same experiences taught us valuable lessons that assisted our emotional and mental maturity. Without those experiences, we won’t have the level of awareness and consciousness we have now. 

Our heart needs to have space to grief; grief the old life, versions and ways of living. Our heart is a vessel and portal to our wholeness and creating a life we were meant to live out; a life aligned to our authenticity. Grief looks different on everyone’s path. It’s about deciding what type of medicine works well for us individually and not pushing it on others; as one medicine might work well for us and for some, it’d do more harm than good. 

The journey of life is sacred because it doesn’t look the same for everyone. We all live out different and unique energy signatures and that’s how it’s suppose to be. We are not all meant to have the same seeds in our garden, we are all supposed to create one that is in alignment with us. We can only determine what is alignment because we are the biggest expert of ourselves.

Once we embody that concept we won’t constantly seek out validation from outside of ourselves and be swayed to being or doing what is not a reflection of who we are. 

To know who we are, we have to sit down with ourselves and get to know ourselves. Learn how our history (past experiences) impacted and influenced our moves in creating the version that we see in the mirror today. Healing is part of the journey and we don’t necessarily have to go through life-altering experiences to need to heal. It could be having to learn how to regulate our emotions as adults or letting go of insecurities about the relationship we have with our bodies and food. Those areas of our lives still impact our journey of following our hearts desires.

It’s important to hold space and give ourselves compassion and kindness while reminding ourselves that we move from the level of awareness and consciousness, we have at the time when making the decisions. It’s important to remember this because at times we can be our biggest bully and we can forget this concept very easily when the inner critic’s volume is cranked up. 

Hold grace for the times we just didn’t know and forgive ourselves for our past. It’s the part where we let go, not just for the other person (or the other side of the rope we’ve been clinging onto), but for ourselves too. Forgiveness frees us from the past and the emotions we have attached to it. Forgiveness comes in layers and it’s something we can’t force onto ourselves. It’s something we have to surrender to, meaning the emotions that are covering the ways to self-forgiveness is something we must go through. We can’t suppress them either or force ourselves to forgive when we’re not ready. 

Healing is all about providing the opposite experiences we are healing from. So when we are learning how to regulate our emotions, we can’t be suppressing them because to regulate them we have to become familiar with them. We do this by sitting with them, feeling them in our body and then naming them, so next time it comes up for us we know what is happening and how to act occurring.

Truth be told, I don’t think anyone knows what happens after this journey, we can theorise about it and create beliefs base on our theories although we’ll never really know until we meet ‘the end’ of the journey. 

So might as well live a life in alignment with our authenticity and know that we went after what we desire despite the fear, doubt and challenges we had. The journey is where it’s all at. It’s where we will always be. The destination is the destined future and the journey is the here and now. 

In this journey, the key is to let go of timing and the how’s of how life is supposed to play out. Learn to enjoy the process from X to Z and hold onto the lessons instead of the emotional reactions we experienced, because at the end of the day we can control our inner world more than we can control our external world. 

PS: Fear is always going to talk us out in not going after what we desire, although the key is to acknowledge the fear and move through it; take the actions we need to get us closer to our desires because we control and have power for our life. 

Like always, Be Kinder, Less Critical.

A List Of (my) Truths About Self-Love

The first few steps into loving our-self unconditionally are to admit our insecurities and where we lack love for our-self. This is where we have to begin. We have to be able to acknowledge the things that are no longer serving our highest good or our evolution.

At times we adapt beliefs, narratives, patterns, habits etc. base on survival mode. It doesn't necessarily mean it reflects who we are authentically. It's never easy having to face aspects of our-self that we've suppressed and rejected. It's uncomfortable sitting and unpacking our insecurities and our lack mentality. These are the challenges we face when we step into learning to love our-self unconditionally and just like any other challenges, we can overcome these.

The List-

IT'S A JOURNEY:

Loving our-self is not about the destination nor does it have to have a deadline or some sort of 'ending' to it. - In the context of healing and inner work, there is a need to remove timing and expectation on needing to be 'fully healed'. These types of expectations are the beginning to create the recipe for disappointment and unnecessary pressure. It's never about the destination anyway. The journey is located in the present moment and that's the moment that truly matters. That’s the only moment we are genuinely in.

OUR LIGHTS AND TOOLS:

The best ways to cultivate unconditional love is to be compassionate, loving, empathetic, nurturing, kind and forgiving towards our-self. - There will never be an amount of shame, judgement, hatred or rejection that will yield unconditional love. Those aspects are not needed when we are healing and reclaiming our power back. We must bring in the opposite experience we had to our reality to heal. Being loving, empathetic and kind towards our-self is a habit that becomes effortless the more we practise it.

(Side note: If you are having trouble providing these needs at this moment, begin with liking yourself and just hating yourself a little less each day. Begin spotting or listing all the things that went right instead of what went wrong. Practise listing gratitude each day and counting your blessings. - Train yourself to spot at least one blessing in your experiences or what you are grateful for.)

THE INFRASTRUCTURE:

Reconstructing our foundation and belief system doesn't happen overnight. - This process of reconstructing our inner world takes time and with timing, we do not control it. By focusing our energy on the things we do control such as our effort, work and patience we stand in our power and not give it to things that are not in our control. This is also a great way to remember that it's okay if we fall back to our old habits or behavioural patterns. Just because we fall back to old ways doesn't mean our progress has been thrown out the window. Breaking out of behavioural and thinking patterns takes time and cannot be done overnight. Practice patience not just towards the things we don’t control, towards our-self too.

GRIEF:

It's okay to let parts of personality and identity go as we learn to love our-self unconditionally. - Our identity is not set in stone. We can change them whenever we like. As we learn to view our-self from a place of love, we will begin to change aspects of our beliefs, narratives, patterns and conditioning. This will require us to let go of aspects of our-self that is founded in a lack mentality. This is where grief comes in.

Grief looks different on everyone and with grief, it has other emotions compiled on top or by its side. There is no wrong or right way to grief. Not everyone will resonate with how we grieve and vice versa. It's important to remind our-self that grieving is a part of healing. As we let go of the old and outdated perspective we must let go of versions of our-self that resonate with it.

THE BODY, KNOWS:

Our emotions are stored in our body too and not just the mind. - When we are letting go or healing our inner wounds there is a need to feel and sit with what's coming up for us. We have to be able to feel it in our body or at least welcome it in. This can come through as psychical sensation in an area of our body or as tears. Processing our emotion also doesn't have a deadline or timer set on them.

There are just times our emotions take time to process and be able to let go of the energy attached to them. Please welcome in compassion and empathy. Each time we process it, we gain a new level of perspective. Where we begin to view it through the lens of optimism.

A handy technique I recently learned was the Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT). It’s where we tap parts of our body as we say the negative emotion we are feeling in a form of a mantra. We say the negative mantra as we tap because it’s a way to welcome it into our body and feel it. Here is a reel of Kate an EFT practitioner explaining the benefits of using this technique. - Instagram Reel

Life will always have its hurdles to overcome, that's how life was constructed. Life also has polarities; we also experience wins and successes. Loving our-self is not all rainbows and sunshine. Having to remind our-self that self-love is not supposed to be perfect. It's supposed to be accepting our-self as we are.

We are not supposed to be perfect.

We are allowed to make mistakes, fuck up and learn from them. As that's all we can go if we've made a mistake. As long as we’re learning and continue to take the lessons instead of the expectations.

Don't feel as we have to be at a certain 'stage' or cycle in our journey. Trust your own timing, journey, evolution, growth and self. All this inner work simultaneously goes hand in hand. They are the puzzle pieces and each and one of them is as important as the next; as it requires to create the whole image.

Be Kinder, Less Critical.

Addiction

DISCLAIMER***  These epiphanies and realisations are from my own experiences of overcoming addiction. - I am not a professional AOD worker (Alcohol and Other Drugs).
Take what resonates and leave out the ones that don’t.

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Addiction is such a taboo topic. It's a topic that has many stigmas and prejudices attached to it. It comes from a lack of education and knowledge about the issue. With addiction, it isn't about being on the hardest drugs. It's about having pain and not wanting to feel it or know how to deal with it. 

Addiction isn't something we want to experience. It's not a conscious decision to want to be addicted and depend on a substance. They aren't always drugs either. Sometimes it's the chemical reaction we receive from a person, our thoughts, porn, food, gambling, gaming, social media or sex. 

Addiction comes from the sense of wanting control.

Addiction comes from seeking comfort away from our pain or hurts that is coming to the surface within our present moment. 

There are plenty of layers that are underneath experiencing addiction. 

There are plenty of challenges that someone who is recovering from addiction faces. Many people who suffer from addiction are hurting within. Not having the tools and the knowledge to deal with their hurt so they turn to self-medicating. With self-medicating it's a short term solution that has long term damages. We begin to depend on the substance to make us 'happy' or 'calm'. We begin to use it as an escape and begin to revolve our entire lifestyle to a particular substance or our addiction. We do not see the damage and effect it has on us or the people around us until we step back and detox. 

It's not an easy thing to come to term with this. Many also are not conscious of the pain they still hold that fuels their addiction. 

Addiction is something not to be ashamed about and never shame others for going through it. Shame comes from a lack of understanding. When we shame we become ignorant to the full truth. Somebody doesn't wake the next day and decide they'll be dependent on a substance for their livelihood. It's a gradual process that happens. Just like any mental illness, it builds up till one day we don't recognise our self anymore. 

Healing and recovering from addiction is difficult as it is and extra harder if we don't have the right support around us. When we have people who do not respect our decision to stop using and instead try to tempt us with the habits we are trying to break out of. That is a sign that the environment we are in is toxic and isn't aligned with where we want to go. 

The thing with addiction, the chemical reaction it gives over the brain is an illusion. The substances that are highly addictive 'mimic' the chemical reaction of dopamine. With that, it also hijacks our reward systems. Creating an unnatural fuel of dopamine. Over time the reward system begins to stop working efficiently, which gets us to need to increase the use of the substance. We then begin to depend on it to feel 'happy' or a sense of 'calm'. 

A substance or habit becomes an addiction when we revolve our lives around it. When we need it to have fun or function in our day today. When we depend on it for our sense of happiness and contentment. When we overspend and only focus on fueling that substance or habit we have. When we begin to create any excuse to part take in the habit or substance. Those are many indications that we are experiencing addiction. - Although we can look at all the signs and symptoms that come with it. The main thing that we need to address is the root of it. 

Finding the root cause of why we feel the need to escape and depend on a substance or habit to fuel our happiness and a sense of livelihood is important. That is because when we tackle and unpack the root cause of anything issues we create an ending for the cycle we were on. We can focus on the healing the root causes, rather than just tackling the stems that come off it. - This should be done simultaneously. 

Handling the stems could be creating a barrier that would make the substance or habit hard to access. That could be letting go of people who do not respect our boundaries, cutting ties with the connection we have with that particular addiction and being open to healing. - It's also important that we seek professional help with addiction. That we are not alone on this journey. It's important to know that we don't get 'in trouble' when speaking about addiction to counsellors. The only time we get 'in trouble' is if we are endangering our self or others around us. Counselling is private and confidential, they are not allowed to speak of the sessions unless we permit them. And even then they have to ask before giving it out (unless it's a court order or we are endangering our self or others). 

Healing and recovering our addiction isn't an overnight thing. It's a process and a journey. A journey that will have its ups and downs. A journey that will put us on a path of self-love and acceptance of ourself and our past. 

Addiction is running away from the present moment. We run away from the present moment because we have unspoken things we are carrying from the past. Some of those things are heavy and hard to speak about. Then, there are some things we carry that we are not even aware that we are still carrying till this day. Our psyche is such a complex muscle within our body and it's the main control in our body system. We have very limited access to parts of our psyche. There is a lot of information hiding and being covered because they are in our subconscious and the collective unconsciousness. 

Many of our problems and issues in the present moments stem from something that has happened in our past. Some sort of conditioning and blueprints we have been carrying that affects the way we move and see the world, others and our self. These filters determine the decisions we make in life. - Healing is a huge part of recovering from addiction. We have to tend, acknowledge and embrace the parts of our self that are calling out to see through our addiction. 

It's not an easy concept to come to term with, it's daunting, uncomfortable and hard. Especially having to let it go and face what we have been trying to run away from. 

During the present moment, we will have temptations and desires to go back to old habits. Although with the healing and inner work we do on our self we can cut off those temptations and desires. It's not going to be easy, although it is doable. - Healing our addiction from the root cause creates a long term effect. Our future self will be proud of the actions and sacrifices we did in the present. 

In the present moment, when we are healing our self do not be harsh, judgemental or hateful. Like I have stated people do not wake up one day and decide they will depend on a substance. - Being more open with our struggles such as addiction removes stigmas. It removes the idea that people made a conscious choice to experience addiction. We all have gone through some rough circumstances and experiences that have altered our sense of self. 

The thing is the past is something we can not change. It doesn't matter how much we duel on it or repress it. It's happened and it's a set reality that can not be altered or changed. Nobody in the world can change the past. -

Believe it or not when we begin to accept the past for exactly the way it is; without shame or judgment, we begin to see that certain experiences we have gone through as something valuable. Maybe at the time we didn't see it nor did we even think it was something valuable. Although when we let go of the judgement and shame we have for ourself and the past, we will begin to see the blessing in disguise or the silver linings within them. 

If we think about a certain event or experience that we didn't go through, it would create a butterfly effect. Where our entire life would be different from how it is now and as well as those around us. -

If we are not happy or pleased with where we are in the present, we can change that. Nothing is ever permanent. It's not going to be constant rainbows and sunshine although the changes we embark in, to invest in our future will be worth it. Our future always becomes our present moment one way or another. - We shouldn't be constantly chasing the future or wanting to escape our present moment. We deserve to be able to sit within the present and enjoy it. We all deserve peace, contentment, healing and acceptance from within. Being able to feel contentment and optimism in the present without having to imagine it in the future. Contentment and optimism is something we can achieve within our present moment. 

Healing our self is the best investment we can give our self. We give our self the chance to live in the moment, to not be clouded from our past and to see clearly. - Healing is part of life. We have gone through circumstances and experiences that have chipped away fragments of our self. It is what it is. Some of those circumstances and experiences we had zero control over them. Although the beauty in healing is reclaiming those fragments that were chipped away from us. No matter how deep or fair those fragments are we can still reclaim them. Healing is the bridge for those fragments. We can reach and reclaim them as we heal. - 

It’s much easier said than done about recovering from addiction. Giving our self the forgiveness, empathy, compassion and kindness is an important part of recovery. A reminder that we can’t change the past as much as we want. We just can’t, it’s one of those truths that can be hard to swallow. Although we can learn to let go by healing and recovering the reasons why we feel the need to escape. 

Be kinder to ourself as we are all trying to just get by and figure life as it comes. Most journeys are not something we can achieve overnight. It takes time, effort, work and patience. We are all on a different path and journey and it’s not something we should compare with one another. It’s never been a competition. Focusing on our inner world is not selfish or self-centred. WE all have a desire to be understood, so why not learn to understand ourself?  

Image from @sobrietycards

BE KINDER, LESS CRITICAL

INNER WORK

Inner work is about healing, mending, unpacking, embracing and letting go. Many things come with inner work. Inner work takes honesty, accountability, empathy, compassion, embracing and learning or unlearning. 

Inner work is not glamorous. This is a stage where we unpack certain beliefs, narrative and past trauma or experiences that still holds so much weight with us in the present. - Are we really living in the present if we are still holding the weight from the past? 

When we are healing we are doing the inner work. There is no healing without the inner work. They both come hand in hand. 

There is this misconception that when we decide to heal our self that we are somehow ‘broken’ or that something isn’t ‘right’ with us. When in reality we are not broken it’s just, we have gone through certain circumstances that have broken our spirit, a secure self and repressed fragments of our true authentic self. The narrative that we are ‘broken’ or a ‘lost cause’ is some of the type of self-limiting beliefs and narrative we tell our self, which is from a lack of love for one self. -

Healing requires us to unpack and dig through our self from an honest and understanding perspective. When we go towards healing with judgments, shame or hatred that is not going to work out, it will only create more need to heal. When we tacking and unpack the fragments that require healing we need to move forward with empathy, compassion and understanding. As those are some of the tools we need to embrace and give the parts of our self that have been judged, shamed or in pain. 

The reason why many of us have ‘broken’ fragments is because of hatred, judgement and shame in the first place. So why and how would more shame, judgment and hatred be healing? 

Healing and inner work is not a competition. Nobody gets a gold medal or is there a finish line. Healing and inner work is a constant job we do throughout our life. We just begin to alter the word of healing and inner work. We get to a point in the process that we see that healing and inner work become learning and setting the example. That we go through experiences in each of our cycles and process which gets us to unlearn or learn some more as our consciousness and soul evolves. - There is no ending to healing or inner work. It is something we do throughout our life if we have a desire to grow and evolve. -

In a simpler definition of healing and inner work, it’s to evolve and expands our consciousness and soul. There are layers that come with healing and inner work. Sometimes we have to unpack a certain layer before we can go deeper. An example; we’d have to dive into our consciousness before trying to see what’s lurking around our subconscious. Because our psyche is in layers, we can not expect to get information from our subconscious if we do not even what is going on within the conscious part of our psyche. - That is why healing and inner work comes in layers and has their processes and cycles. 

Inner work is something we can not do for others. We can not process others emotions, traumas, circumstances or do the healing and feeling for them. That is not how it works. Inner work and healing is an individual job that requires someone who consciously decides to heal. There are process and cycles we go through with our own healing and inner work. It will not look the same for everyone and it shouldn’t. As we are all have had unique and different experiences here on Earth. It’s not about comparing or sizing up one another’s personal growth or evolution. It’s called personal for a reason. - 

Nobody is a better and more reliable source than our self. It doesn’t matter how long person X, Y or Z have known us. The version or image they have created about us are not our responsibilities. We can not control others perceptions or emotions that is something we will never have control over. It shouldn’t change the fact that we will continue to heal, grow and evolve even though others have outdated versions of us in their minds. That is not our responsibility or our job to fix. Those perceptions of us are their business and reflect their own evolution and growth. - That is something we can not control.

When we begin to get fixated with controlling others or anything that is out of control we will begin to feel anxious and out of balance within our self. Even trying to control how others should view us, is a waste of time and energy.

This type of behaviour is a way we give our power and energy away. When we grasp the concept that we shouldn’t focus too heavily on things we can not control and with that, we can begin to learn to let go. Letting go is an important skill to have throughout our life. If we do not learn how to let go, will go on and continue to hold on to things or people that no longer serve us or is no longer as important as they use to be. Causing more pain and hurt for our self.  - 

The idea of letting go frightens people and there could be many various reasons. For me personally, it’s the idea that something has ended. Although what I’ve learnt is that every ending have a new beginning. That’s how the Universe works. Sometimes we have to put something to bed in order to begin something new within or our external world. 

Many people like to hold on to the illusion that they can control everything and everyone if they ‘behaviour’ or ‘act’ a certain way. Although we learn throughout life that is not how it works. That we have very little control of many things outside of our self and that includes people. When we begin to try and control everything and everyone we lost our self in the process. As we have to live out a persona and a facade to keep a certain illusion up afloat for others to be ‘controlled’. This is a manipulation tactic, we do not really control others we are just simple manipulating them. But then again because we are manipulating our self to be a certain way to ‘control’ others perception about us or a circumstance etc. We are not playing others, we are playing our self. -

With inner work, we can unpack these types of actions and behaviours by digging into the root cause of it. We can not just look at the stems that come with our conditioned behaviours. We have to find where it began, so then we can ‘pull it out’ so there are no more stems that come out of it. -
There is no easy way around or out of inner work, it is something we can choose to do for our self. We can get others to do it for us although that will not have a large or longer-term impact and it’s selfish. - When we expect others to do our inner work for us when we can not even do it for our self, that is selfish. Especially if we haven’t even given it a shot or a try. - We do have free will for a reason. We can choose to go within or continue to seek outside of our self. 

We have to make a conscious decision about doing our inner work. There is no quick fix to do inner work. There is no substance or a person in the world that can create a divinity of an impact within us but our self.

Facing our pain, hurt or traumas that hold such a huge impact on us (whether we are aware of it or not) is daunting and in a sense frightening. When we go through life holding on to our pain, hurt and trauma which has created our ‘personality’ and a way to relate to others, it’s hard to let go because it means we have to find our self outside of those ‘personalities’ and personas. - Hopping on the train of inner work isn’t just unpacking and digging through our past and experiences. It also has a new beginning that comes with it. Which is the new beginning of a new ideology of our self. Finding who we really are underneath all the pain, hurt and traumas we have endured throughout our life. It’s the new beginning of authenticity and fulfilment, which we all deserve. Healing and inner work is the beginning of authenticity and fulfilment. 

By doing the inner work and healing ourself we go through the process and the cycles that the past is the past. That no matter how much we fixate and retell stories about it, it’s over. When we give so much of our power and energy to a reality that is no longer even in the present or near our future it blocks our own blessings and manifestations. - In the process of our healing we have our set timelines and no one is going to have the same. A reminder that we all run on different schedules with Divine timing. Each and one of us will have a different process and cycle of healing. DO NOT compare our process and cycles to others as that is not how it works. - 

It’s called inner work for a reason. 

The tools we do all use in our own process and cycles are honesty, accountability, empathy, compassion, embracing and learning or unlearning. Those tools are how we are going to find unconditional love within our self that has been repressed. Either way, those tools are the key and light when going within. Never forget to bring those tools and light with us when going deeper within our self. And each time we dig deeper we will find new tools that will help ascend and evolve our consciousness and soul. There is no finish line between healing and inner work. Although every ending ALWAYS has a new beginning. -

From someone who has gone through a large amount of healing and inner work, I say all this with love. I do. - These are the wisdom and knowledge I have found within me that’s very collective. I know how hard and confusing it is in the early stages of healing. It’s draining and almost feel as it’s a waste of time. Although the efforts and work we put into our healing and our self are extremely rewarding. It’s something no one can give to us or take away from us. When we begin to see our worth and find unconditional love for our self, that is the most precious gift and investment we can give our self. 

I never thought I’d love or accept myself the way I do now. Healing and inner work are not rainbows and sunshine at all times. It is daunting, uncomfortable and scary. I say this not to frighten people but because I do not want to give false expectation to others who do decide to heal. I do not want to create illusions within people that healing isn’t supposed to be scary or uncomfortable, because of it. The biggest growth and epiphanies we have is from the things that scare us the most. No growth or evolution ever happened within comfort zones. There was always a level of discomfort. Trust and become aware of our own process and cycles, as we all have one. Be open to feeling discomfort while healing and ascending because that’s where the real magic is.

Sometimes the new beginning we ask for is within our self first. It’s like that saying ‘as within, so without’. 

BE KINDER, LESS CRITICAL

Created by: Merichel Sanchez

Learning to Trust Ourself

‘Mending the heart’

Trust is an important part of any type of relationship. Without trust, it’s a weak and unstable foundation. Not only do we have to trust others, but we also have to trust ourselves. Having a weak and unstable foundation of trust within ourselves create a refection of those same foundations to our external world. Where we will abandon ourselves to be accepted, validated or loved. We get to a point in life where those facades, masks and persona’s we’ve created to receive a need will not cut it. Meaning that the feeling of emptiness and loneliness we were trying to run away from begins to creep back in or having to experience the worst type of loneliness; feeling alone in a room full of your loved ones.

Having abandoned ourselves for many years, it takes time to learn to trust ourselves. With learning, there are process and cycles we go through. Life isn’t straight forward and we get thrown lemons along this journey. Which can be perceived as a ‘bad thing’ although when we change our perception and see those ‘bad things’ are an opportunity to grow, evolve and a cycle to overcome the challenges that will better equip us to the next cycle of our life. Life has always had lemons, challenges or hurdles (whatever label resonates with you) the best way to equip ourselves is by learning to trust ourselves and the process we are on. The deeper we know and trust ourselves the less fear can talk us out or into things that are not in alignment with our path and soul. Embrace every moment we have, as we know that nothing is ever permanent and that everything and everyone is temporary. - Same goes with our current situations. 

TOOLS OF TRUSTING ourselves

• Accountability

• Compassion

• Validation

• Honesty

• Empathy

• Self Care

• Intuition

• Acceptance
  

When we begin to learn to trust ourselves it’s about holding ourselves accountable for the promises we made with ourselves. It could be as small as going to bed at a certain time or doing an activity to help us get started for tomorrow. Whatever it might be when we make a promise to ourselves and not follow through with it we are teaching ourselves that we can not be trusted. This is a process that comes hand in hand with actions. We need to match the words and promises we make with actions that mirror those. 

When we don’t match the action, it's not an opportunity to bully ourselves or talk down on ourselves. When we don’t follow through it just means there is learning to do with trusting ourselves it's not about failing or not being good enough. Learning to trust ourselves after years of self-betrayal is a process. It's a habit we have to get used to. 

Habits take time to learn and get used to grounding them in our day to day lives. It’s not about pushing ourselves to the point of burnout or shaming. It’s about understanding that the concept that habits take time, practise, effort and patience to mastering. Don’t diminish or brush off the efforts we have put on ourselves because we might not see the results, just yet. Like those efforts, build up to the point that hopping back on the saddle of a habit is going to be much easier to how it used to be. That is why time and patience are needed. Acknowledging this concept so we can let go of timing and surrendering to the fact we can only control our own actions and our entire being. 

Trusting ourselves comes with keeping the promises we've made to ourselves. Where we have overcome a certain obstacle and being able to maintain that promise we've made, long after overcoming it. When we make a conscious decision with the knowledge that isn't in alignment or going to do any good, it is self-betrayal. That is when we abandon a part of ourselves to feel a certain way or go back to a certain habit. When we do this it is showing ourselves that we can not be trusted. A part of learning to trust ourselves is being able to say no and stick to our words. It’s backing up those words with the way we move and take action in our lives. Sometimes words are not enough to prove ourself that we are trusted. 

Trust comes on many levels and it's a spectrum. Different levels come with trusting ourselves and others too. It's not a one way round. In the context of trusting others, it has to be a give and take. With trust comes loyalty and transparency. When we move from a place of dishonesty and a lack of loyalty it is a reflection of how we treat ourselves in those aspects. That is why learning to trust ourselves and being honest is important. How can we trust and be honest with others when we are lying to ourselves? With learning to trust ourselves comes with validating as well. When we take actions to build trust with ourselves, we have to also learn to validate ourselves. The funny thing is that many of us usually go to others to validate something we already want to do or know. Although, there are times if others do not agree with our inner knowing we tend to abandon it. - Unlearning this conditioning that we need others to validate our intuition and inner knowing, is important. It’s not about abandoning people closes to us, it’s about not letting others sway us in making decisions when our intuition tells us otherwise. 

Learning to trust ourselves comes hand in hand with healing, self-love and care. 

In the past, we have experienced betrayal and disappointment because we might have not listened to our intuitions or we are not sure what our intuition feels like. When this is the case it’s required to do Inner Child healing. As children, they have amazing intuition and are very in tune with theirs. If there are people around them who gaslight them or constantly project a lack of self-love for a long period of time (especially during childhood) those types of programming is what they will go out into the world. Where they were taught to abandon their intuition because they were being ‘too sensitive’, ‘crazy’ or made to believe that they were worthless. As they age and time progresses these programming will be so deep within their subconscious that they believe that is who they are. Which is far from reality. 

A part of trusting ourselves is being able to heal and reconstruct our own programming. With healing, it gets us to unpack those programmings and find the deep-rooted cause of them. Healing isn’t bypassing the cause by ‘forgiving and forgetting. Healing is acknowledging, embrace and tending to whatever we come across during the process of unpacking, for good or for bad. It’s being able to learn to accept the past although there is a process to acceptance. We have to feel it before we can accept it. When feeling the knowledge we have come across there are going to be epiphanies and realisation. Which then gives us the ‘missing puzzle’ or a push to head towards acceptance. 

Everyone's has gone through a certain circumstance that has cause heaviness that they still carry to this day. Whether they are consciously or unconsciously aware of them, it does not change the fact we still carry them. When we embark on healing and learning to trust ourselves, we get to see this concept. 

A reminder that everyone goes through similar experiences that will not hold the same outcome as someone else's. It might have the same outline of that experience, although it is never the same. With this concept, we have to come to terms that we can’t compare ourselves with others past, present or future. With this concept, we can stop comparing our lives, healing and learning journey with others. 

Each heaviness has different ways of healing. That is why nobody should compare their healing or experiences with others. - It is not a competition. It's never been a competition. Life, healing and our experiences are not something we receive gold metals on. There are no rankings at the end of our lives. It's just us and all fragments of ourselves. That is why we have to accept ourselves as a WHOLE. 

The truth is that; the only person we can never get rid of is ourselves. We can disconnect from ourselves. We were given a free will to chose, although disconnecting and escaping from ourselves only leads to fulfillments that do not last long. Fulfilments that are surface-level leaving our soul and Higher Self deprive and hungry.

Learning to trust ourselves comes with regaining the trust of our intuition and inner knowing. This is where healing comes in. There were moments in time where we did trust ourselves and intuition although due to outside circumstances that were not in our control. It got us in sticky situations and ‘hard times’. - As wild as this might sound, our Higher Self communicates through our intuition which gets us to move a certain way. Putting us through a circumstance that gets us to learn a valuable lesson. We then gain a new level of perspective and see that we go through certain experiences and circumstances to obtain a higher level of consciousness. Which comes with maturing emotionally and mentally. - Without those experiences and circumstances, we wouldn’t of gain those new perspectives. Sometimes we have to go through certain things so our mindset can be stretch to a point that we didn’t know was possible. When we go through certain things like this, giving ourselves compassion, understanding, kindness and empathy. - A reminder that we move from of a place of the knowledge and level of consciousness we are at those moments. 

Letting go of our intuition is when we abandoned our Higher Self. Our intuition is our Higher Self and that is how that part of ourselves communicates to us. The part of us knows things without having an explanation and it’s that feeling no one can explain although, just know it. That is our intuition; our Higher Self. This is a part of our being. Learning to trust ourselves is coming into union with our Higher Self. It’s learning to trust our inner knowing and intuition. It’s having to step out of the norms and creating our own path. Trusting that it will work out. That sometimes we just aren't meant to know where our present actions will lead us. Just hold on to the knowledge that we are learning and letting our Higher Self live out. 

Life is messy, we are messy and accepting that being human is messy. That nothing is perfect and that there is always an opportunity to grow, learn, evolve and change. It's just having to spot them and grab them for ourselves. And choosing to embark on toward those opportunities.  

BE KINDER, LESS CRITICAL